Dealing with Affairs of the Heart如何处理婚外情

Dealing with Affairs of the Heart

如何处理婚外情

(Originally in English)

Q: How does a man cope when he's been married unhappily

but then falls in love with another married lady?

当一个男人结婚后不幸福，并且爱上另外一位

有夫之妇时，应该如何处理？

A: You have to look to your own marriage and see whether it is absolutely not salvageable, amendable or improvable. Or whether you are seeking love in another relationship just as an excuse for your own pleasure. Because it's already troublesome enough to have one marriage. So it is better if we can take care of our marriage relationship. I know it's difficult; everything is difficult in this world. But that doesn't mean it's impossible.

答：你必须检视自己的婚姻是否真的完全无法补救或改善了，或是这只是自己个人寻求快乐的一个借口。因为有一个婚姻就已经够伤脑筋了，麻烦够多了，所以最好的方式就是照顾好自己的婚姻关系。我知道这不容易，这个世界上每件事都不容易，但并不代表不可能。

Talk to your wife about where the problem lies. But don't talk to her about your affair, please. If you talk about that, there may be no more solution. It's alright; if you think it was a mistake, you may try to cut it down or forsake it. But talk to your wife about how to improve your relationship: where she is failing, or where you are failing, and where you need her attention or improvement, or where she needs you.

所以请和你的太太一起探讨问题的症结所在，但请不要告诉她你有外遇；一旦你提及此事，那问题就无解了。没关系，如果你觉得自己做错了，那就要试着放弃或结束掉这段婚外情，但也要和太太恳切深谈如何改善你们之间的关系，将你们希望对方注意改进的地方提出来互相讨论，让彼此都知道自己有哪些地方做得不够好，哪些还需要改进。

Talk to each other. Buy new presents for her; buy a beautiful dress for her. Adorn her with beautiful things; make her your beauty. Make her the beauty of your life, instead of spending time and energy on somebody else's woman. Because you don't possess her anyhow. It's better to take care of what you have, and not waste time and energy on other people's possessions. It doesn't matter how much you like the neighbor's car, you don't go and spray gold on it. Spray it on your own car! Take care of your car, because you drive the car and you need it every day. The car is necessary for you. The neighbor's car you can admire quietly, but don't spray gold on it. Don't look after it too much and neglect your car. One day maybe the driver of the neighboring car will drive that car away, and suddenly you will have to go without anything. Your car is in the garage, broken down, uncared for, and now you are in trouble.